This Land is Your Land: Chapter Thirty-Two
This Land is Your Land - Chapter Thirty-Two
Authors: lolitaray (Ennis) and planetgal471(Jack)
Rating: NC17 on/off through the fic
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain is the creation of Annie Proulx, and no profit is being made off of the sharing of this work. We do this for enjoyment only.
Summary: Ennis is a high-school drop-out giving it a final go. Jack is an enigmatic history teacher. This is a modern-day AU!AU. In this story, POVs are intermingled. Hopefully this is not too confusing to the readers.
Warnings: The story within contains adult themes, including but not limited to: explicit m/m sex, teacher/student relationships involving the high school level, cursing, and descriptions of violence, including sexual violence. This has been written for fun, but we understand that not everyone may enjoy it.
Authors' Notes: Feedback is so appreciated.



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Jack watched, heavy with the end of something, as the old man drove the horses and trailer away. He'd never see them again, that was certain. One blissful week they'd shared in the mountains with those beasts, but the horses had just been doing their job, and now their job led them elsewhere.

Jack sighed and peered into the cab. He hung from the open passenger door with unease, not wanting to get in. Home only led towards more time apart, until they made it to Ennis's graduation, anyway. But then, wouldn't Ennis's graduation just bring even more time apart, if he went on to college? Maybe Jack could move, find a job where Ennis went to school. He had to go to college, though Jack knew Ennis didn't believe in himself enough to put stock in that future.

Jack squinted up to where Ennis was idly stalling, running a thumb back and forth over the trim of the truck. "You want me to help you find some scholarships for college? I'd be happy to. You could go to the place of your choice, maybe even without any loans, since your folks are gone."

"You think?" Ennis looked up. The monotony of playing with the truck's trim had been oddly soothing. The last thing Ennis felt like doing was discussing college plans. More of a concern was just when the next meet-up could occur. It was getting harder and harder to walk away from Jack every time, and that made him mighty uneasy He'd just never seen himself as a college graduate. Ennis knew what happened when you tried to aim for the skies. Just graduating from high school had seemed a thing out of his reach, barely a year earlier.

Jack seemed pretty concerned about it, though, so Ennis tried to think about college. "Well--" Ennis stalled, thinking on options. "No harm in applying I guess. Except...any studying I'll do would have to be nights. Can't make a living with just Alma's money."

Jack laughed. He thought it was a joke. Or maybe Ennis was just fishing for whether Jack would be willing to support him? "I mean, you... Well... I mean, hell, I don't make much, so you'd need a job, sure, but not anything full time, I don't think. Depending where you want to go, we could find someplace pretty cheap to live, I bet. We wouldn't need more'n one bedroom."

Ennis shoved Jack on the shoulder, not sure what he was trying to say. "One bedroom? What in hell are you talking about?" There was a cold suddenly in the pit of Ennis's stomach, like winter had decided to sweep over the day, without his knowledge or consent. "I can't move away from Riverton, Jack."

"Well there..." Jack swallowed hard around the lump forming in his throat. "There just isn't any colleges here, and besides, I'm gonna quit my job at the end of the year. I thought we decided about this." Jack racked his head, wanting to give Ennis words to prove they'd decided, but unable to recall any. "I mean, you... you got to have some plans after graduation, don't you?"

Ennis kicked at the ground, odd thoughts occurring. Seemed like he’d spent most of his life, staring at the earth. Dry, dust-kicked whorls, patterns coiling, scuffed with the toe of his worn boot.

And if Jack quit his job, where the hell would he work? That would mean he would have to move and...and then what? Ennis would see him even less. Ennis felt a surge of anger now, torn and confused at just what Jack was trying to pull out of him.

"Hell, yes, I got some plans after graduation! I got to move out of the ranch sometime, get myself a job." Ennis had been worrying for a while now about how K.E. would cope without him, but the wheel was in motion, and it couldn't be helped. At least K.E. was expecting it, and could look after himself. "And why are you going to quit your job?" Ennis suddenly asked, still unsure of what Jack was trying to do.

Jack sensed that Ennis playing stupid, that something was off here. A curse word snaked out of his mouth. The answer to Ennis's question was as plain as the sun in the sky. His anger moved him of its own accord and he slammed the open truck door, stalking away a few steps. He turned to pin Ennis, standing there all innocent-like, in an accusatory gaze.

"The fuck. You want to know why the fuck I am quitting my job? How about I want to quit my job so I can fuck you into next week every fucking night if I want to, Ennis. We can get a little place somewhere, buy fucking groceries and pizza and beer and ride horses and drive around together in our fucking cars without having to be fucking terrified of every shit little doorknob and footstep!"

Ennis's mouth dropped open. He quickly looked around, relieved to see nothing but the sharp rise of the mountains behind them, the soothing outlines of pines. And there was Jack, who Ennis had never seen quite so agitated, pacing up and down, glaring at Ennis in between shaking his head.

Ennis moved closer, trying to be conciliatory, putting a hand on Jack's arm. "C'mon, Jack. You know it can't be like that. Sooner or later people will know what the hell's going on. It ain't worth the risk. I told you--" Ennis broke off as Jack jerked his arm away. "I don't want to end up-- c'mon Jack. We can still see each other a heap. And you know you don't want a quit; you're a good teacher."

Jack had broken free of Ennis's grip with a violent twist. He spoke the words that came to his mind, not loud, but soft and final. "Fuck you."

When Ennis turned away, Jack found his words bubbling up, his need to be heard coming on strong. All this time, he'd been listening to Ennis's fears, caring for Ennis's needs. Maybe it was because he was older, though he didn't think so, but Ennis had been expecting him to just be ok, to just hold himself up by some miracle. He couldn't take it any more.

"Ennis," Jack's voice was quiet, the fight gone. "I'm not you. I can't... I can't make it on a couple of high altitude fucks once or twice a year. I can't live my life like that. I won't. You can tell me that living together's gonna get me killed, but living apart's just killing me a different way... Ennis, I cannot accept what it is you're offering me."

"Well, fuck you!" Ennis was stung by Jack's words. "I never said...I never lied--" Ennis broke off, trying to remember what the hell he'd done or said. "You knew I'm going to marry Alma, Jack. That way of life-- I won't do it. You know that I...I do love what we--" Ennis blinked, trying not to show emotion. "Goddammit to hell, why you got to do this, Jack?"

Jack turned to face the Tetons where they climbed towards the sky, hinting at so many possibilities, but delivering none without a tough climb through glacial heights. He placed his hands on his hips and breathed in a deep lungful of the mountain air. The world was turning from white to black, on to off, alive to dead, before his eyes on this patch of gravel and weedy grass where they stood. The plants and animals were none the wiser and life would continue on for them, but for him...

Jack croaked, throat tight, "Ennis, we could have a good life, a fuckin' real good life. Why don't you want it?" He pulled the compass out of his pocket, where he'd kept it all this trip. It pointed north as ever, but that was just a compass direction. It had never been anything more than a compass. He stood in silence, watching the needle steady while his hand shook.

Ennis stared blindly at Jack's back, trying to work out what to say. How could Jack not understand.

"I do want it," Ennis yelled, surprised by the break in his voice. "Can't you fucking see it's the rest of the world that doesn't? And we live in that goddamned world, Jack." Ennis's hands clenched into fists as he backed away a pace, unable to make his point any clearer. "You're the one letting it go, not me. I've never had anything, done anything like this. If I hadn't met you, well--" Ennis couldn't prevent it all blurting out, "There's no way I'd ever be with a man. Never." Ennis turned then, starting to walk back to the truck, muttering under his breath. "Crazy dumb-ass fucker."

Jack turned back to the mountains, feeling that the open space, the sheer rock and emptiness, understood him better than anyone ever would. He'd heard Ennis's words, all of them.

"Some days, I wish I'd never met you."

Ennis paused, turning slow like a snake ready to strike, glaring at Jack out of narrowed eyes.

"You wish you'd never met me, huh? Well, just how do you think I feel? You're queer, Jack." Ennis snorted, thoughts of jealousy from months ago churning up now, unasked for. "Been with God knows how many men before me. And you're my goddamned teacher! Because a you, my whole life is fucked up! Jesus." Ennis shook his head, swinging around and trying to open the pick-up's door, almost hanging off it as a wave of sickness washed over him. He could hear Jack's footsteps crunching on the gravel behind him, but he couldn't look around, not now.

"I wish to God I could quit you," Ennis muttered, fighting the waves of nausea, the whole world tumbling about him. "I wish to God you'd just let me be."

Jack had been there the hour his grandmother had died. She'd passed in his own bed. He'd been moved to the couch while she needed her son and daughter-in-law's care, her husband passed two years before her. She'd been speaking to ghosts for days. Jack had stood and watched the moment she silently slipped from life to death, the room unchanged. He'd waved a fly away from his face as his mom had told him to go be a good boy and call the undertaker. He'd left the room and done as she said. That had been an expected death, but he guessed all deaths have got to be treated the same: you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going on with your day, or else what other choice is there?

He'd never expected, though, to witness his own death. Jack passed all thresholds of anger and heartache so quickly he felt nearly no pain, arriving at a place of painless, numb whiteness in which he was simply alone, had always been alone, and would always be alone. It was a place he'd known often in his youth, when his dad had whipped him with a switch or rod. Never felt so much pain again until now, but his painless, white place was waiting for him still. Jack turned and opened the car door with even movements. He sat in the passenger seat and waited for Ennis to start the car. He had laundry to do, and a lot of paperwork, applications, a rental, had to probably sublet until his lease was up. Jack busied himself on the long, deathly-silent drive home by making a to-do list in his head.

Ennis drove in silence, determinedly not looking at Jack. He resolutely ignored the pangs of guilt at Jack's unnatural silence. What the hell was Jack trying to prove? Jack knew from the start that Ennis wasn't willing to end up that way. Jack may have been 'out,' but Ennis knew as sure as hell he wasn't going to be marching in no gay parade, having people make comments about him in the shops. Only a matter of time before talk would spread and...Ennis swallowed thickly, biting down on his inner lip.

Goddamn Jack, the fucker. He was the one who was quitting Ennis, for all that. At least Ennis was offering some kind of alternative. God knew, he'd tried to stop what they had, with no luck. But obviously Jack didn't have that problem. Ennis's hands clenched on the wheel. Maybe it was because Jack was gay. The thought of having it off with another man left Ennis cold, and a part of his mind still believed it was because he wasn't gay. If you were gay, you liked men, right? And he certainly didn't like men. So--maybe Jack would have no problem moving on. Certainly looked like that.

Ennis fought a growl at the image of Jack with another man. Spying a gas station, he pulled over, filling up the truck and going in without a word. Jack just sat, unspeaking. Buying a packet of cigarettes, Ennis returned. But the first drag left a foul taste on his tongue, a burn tinging the pits of his lungs, so he couldn't continue. Ennis swore, throwing the lit cigarette and nearly full packet out of the window as he drove off.

Part of him wanted to turn and yell at Jack, provoke some little kind of reaction, so the man could see what a damn fool he was being. But the words wouldn't come, and Ennis knew without doubt they'd never see eye to eye on this one. Jack just wouldn't understand it.

* * * *

Another hour later and Ennis was pulling up outside the apartment block. Jack opened his door without speaking, and Ennis, starting to get really riled up, walked around to the back of the truck. Starting to pull out Jack's camping gear, he came face to face with the black knapsack, the softness beneath his hands of Jack's clothes reminding Ennis poignantly of just what the fuck he was going to miss from now on. Jack himself was starting to unpack the camping gear without even looking at Ennis, a fact which infuriated him beyond reason. Ennis flung the bag at Jack's feet.

"Guess you'll need some more fancy clothes, to get your next fuck," he said bitterly. Part of Ennis hated himself for saying it, his heart telling him that Jack was hurting just as bad, and wasn't about to go out and get some. The other part was a seething coiled mass, jealousy warring with the fierce desire to throw Jack down on the apartment bed, and make it blatantly obvious that Jack was Ennis's, and nothing on God's earth could change that.

Jack froze, his gloomy eyes rising to the challenge, meeting Ennis's. He knew how Ennis felt about him now. He didn't twitch away but picked up all his gear, as much as he could carry in one trip, whispered, "Go to hell," and walked, head downcast, towards his apartment door.

Gritting his teeth, Ennis paced after Jack, grabbing him roughly by the shoulders, trying to turn him around. The camping gear spilt haphazardly over the ground as Jack broke free of Ennis's hold, steel fingers digging in in return, causing Ennis to let out a gasp of pain. Jack's face was closed in, steel-cold, and Ennis became suddenly very aware that this was nothing like his fights with Alma.

"Don't you fucking walk away from me," Ennis growled out, not even knowing just why he had followed Jack, except that he wasn't going to let it end like that, not here, not now.

"Get the hell off of me." Jack pushed against Ennis, widening the distance between them. Maybe as a kid he'd had to stand his daddy beating on him, but no more. No one was going to stand at his home and beat him down, not with words or fists. Not anyone.

Ennis paused a long while, just hearing the heavy breathing between the both of them. Finally, he nodded, turned, and walked back to the truck.